I did not know that I would know

Tred is a Houston. He feels 100% fully mine...(and Matt's, of course. And, I definately know he is on loan from God:) I know I love him with all my heart. All that to say, I feel as if he were my own flesh and blood. I was so worried about how I would feel at this point before he was born. I did not know a child without my womb or labor involved. Those months of carrying a baby, feeling him/her move inside you, dreaming about what characteristics they would have from each family member, the sacrifice involved in being pregnant...nausea, vomiting, lack of sleep, loss of control with eating & urinating:). I thought that sacrifice is what endeared me to the girls before they were born. And, the anticipation of when they would enter the world. I did not have that with Tred. I did not know a child without all those details that lead up to loving them the moment they enter the world. I now know you don't need those things. Something happened a few days ago to remind me of this...
My 3 girls NEVER really spit up...thankfully. I think it is disgusting, and am repulsed by the smell of spit up. It stains and the smell never goes away and cannot be masked by any spray that I know of. (I know I am a wimp) I am not sure if Tred just likes to share or is just really into recycling. He feels he should share half of each of his bottles with me. I am usually pretty good at catching it with anything but my shirt. I use receiving blankets as burp cloths because so much comes up. I was holding him the other day and he dowsed my shirt with recycled Enfimil. It hit me immediately...I did not care. I calmly wiped it off and continued to cuddle him up. Usually, in a matter of seconds, I would have to disrobe because of the toxic spill. I realized that my gag reflex did not kick in and I was fine with the soggy wetness seeping down the front of my shirt and back....He is mine. When it is your kid, it doesn't matter. I was drenched all over and it did not bother me that there was not one DNA strand that belonged to me. I love him, no matter who he turns out to be, no matter what he looks like, no matter how much he spits up on me. This small moment culminated to this one truth...He is mine. I always "knew" blood would not make Tred my son, but I did not really know. But now, I know.